Anxiety – A Constant Companion
Who here does not suffer at one time or another from anxiety, from the tiny tickles of doubt to the limb immobilizing tremors of abject fear. Misery accompanies anxiety like rain clings to clouds. Stuck in the all pervading fear, everything becomes something else, and innocent phone call takes on malicious undertones, a request for something can become overwhelming, the foetal position a comfort zone, curled up whilst the world harries on by as you shelter within your mind, food becomes non-essential, and alas intimacy and joy fade like the last rays of darkness at dawn. Medication is the answer a voice cries, counselling offers another friendly voice from out of the wilderness. These things are fine, but they are not to be found amongst the possesions of a foetal curled mind. This will entail, getting up, facing the world again, travelling, communicating, existing. All the things that produce an neverending supply of anxiety.
I gaze longingly at the passersby who seem to me to have the perfect lives, living out day to day, with smiles frozen on their faces, as they interact with a world that barely acknowledges their existence. I feel insignificant, I am insignificant, and yet amongst the faithful a God lies hidden. A lord of forgiveness who if you offer him your heart will bring you home. I gave my heart and still feel devoid of the love that others so proudly and loudly profess. If God is really there, then why does he not care enough to visit those who struggle, why does he allow them to fall by the wayside as their faith fails time and time again. Does God read Blogs, If I were he I would, where else would the truth lie, but in the outpourings of peoples hearts into the great fried empty of the internet. No one knows me, I’m ambigious, a non entity, reading my lifes words into passages that some loner might read someday.
Still anxiety lqays sleeping now in the pit of my stomach, I can feels its mild prescence, and I’m careful not to awaken the beast, for it will awaken soon enough with an appetite to destroy the fragile peace I can gather whilst It is asleep.